The Sea at Mercy!

As far as distant memory of my childhood days goes...I have always been scared of water, to the extent that I never allowed water to trickle down my face even during a headbath.
I kind of accepted it as normal, figuring out its not an uncommon trait among my friends either. But I always used to wonder how do swimmers manage to go under water? What is so exciting about it? What is it that takes them back, again and again?

While planning a vacation, it so happened that a friend offered to go for a scuba diving. Being an adventure enthusiast, the first reaction to it was almost orgasmic with an instant 'yes'. The tickets got done, the travel got arranged and the day arrived.

Day one was for a theory session in the swimming pool to acquaint us with our gadgets. As I awaited in the reception along with other students, I could sense the excitement around among the other groups. The hi-five claps, the laughter that arose from the stomach, the bobbling nodding heads, the weird pronunciation of the names of medical conditions that could prevent us from this dive (mentioned on the checklist form), the jokes being cracked on our probable conditions under water.

And here I was...smiling sheepishly on the face, sinking within.

I was furious at myself for agreeing for this underwater sport. Scolding myself.
Didn't you know its UNDER-water? You needed to come till this point to realize it? Couldn't you just think twice before committing? Couldn't you research a bit before coming? Why do you take off before taking a flight? In this case a dip!!! 
Palm on face.

Retaining, almost preserving the sheepish senseless smile on lips, with tongue sealed, I sit looking blank at them.
Could they gauge what's running in my head?

A lady walks up and says "Ma'am can you please make the payment?"
Here is it. This is a chance to escape. I tell myself. Immediately a striving dominant second thought comes and interrupts (when its definitely not needed) "You are not escaping before trying"

I walk up to the counter and request the lady " I feel claustrophobic under water. Can I try the pool session today and then decide if I want to do it?" Yes I had found a mid-way.

We changed into our dive suits and stepped into the pool. Nervous I was already.
Anger and guilt within. Water outside. Didn't want water inside. Ufffff.
I hated myself at that moment!!

The next few hours we were made comfortable with the breathing mechanisms, maintaining vision under water, equalising the atmospheric pressure etc. Inspite of the big-enough gas tank on my back, I was periodically coming in surface to meet the sky, realising pretty well it was not lack of air but paranoia. The instructors ensured we got comfortable under water soon.

Surprisingly, I turned out to be one of the fastest learning students and was allowed to leave the pool early. Incredible! Was it the fear of being under water for long that pushed me to learn the tricks quickly? Not sure of that, but happy I was to have survived the pool session.

Day two began early at 6am. Did I mention my friend was an expert scuba diver?
He along with other seniors was going to a point called "The Wall", around 15 kms in the sea, 80 meters deep, where one could see the Oceania crust of the tectonic plates. The agenda was to get sample reefs for Department of Oceanic Studies and Marine Biology.
I almost envied him for his capability of being able to stay under for soo long!
This also meant I was alone by myself in the sea!!!
Lightening Struck!

My batch of all first timer entusiasts, was supposed to leave for the sea at 9am. Wrapping up an early breakfast I awaited at the reception, yet again, for next 2 hours. With a handful of students and some instructors, I intended to utilize this time for more awareness and research.
What a bad idea it turned out to be!!!

While a lot of information was encouraging, I also came to know that a lot of students turn sea sick in the 40 min drive to the dip point.
That was just the beginning!
After wearing the gas tank and jacket, the diver is supposed to jump backwards, tank first in the sea!! What!!! Really?
This scared the faintest optimistic ghosts out of me.

The spins which I was feeling in my head with all this "tank-talk", started moving down in my neck! My mouth turning dry and tongue sealed, making every effort to keep the lips wet enough. The sheepish smile returns. The churns go down further in the chest making it difficult to breathe.
Even further, I was feeling them in my stomach now. Not being able to decipher whats wrong, I run to the washroom for a dump and come back.
This happens thrice.
I hated myself at the moment. The only dominant thought was "Save me God".

The time had come.
We got into our diving suits and left for the sea. While the cortisol levels high, the comfort mechanism of the brain stepped in. Efforts to ease with my batch-mates and cracking jokes on us released the pressure. We all were equally scared I realized.

We were transferred to the boat after putting on our florescent orange life jackets on the black diver suits. The ride was bumpy and scary as the sea appeared very turbulant that day. The currents were strong. It had rained night before and in the morning. We were heading straight in the deep waters..leaving us at the mercy of the gigantic sea and nature.
It was at that moment where you realised how puny you were to this large cosmos. With all your strength, how frail you seemed in front of the nature's will.
The very next moment I realised we were all holding each others hands forming a human chain.
The boat dropped us to the point and we were transferred yet again to the stationed larger boat which had all our gears and supplies.

The first rule of Scuba said we never go alone! One always has to have a buddy.
The instructor asked who would be the first four to go down. Instantly my hand raised.
(Again! Without a second thought, the girl is always ready! I hate her as much as I love her) 
The genius-me within me, found her voice again, rationalizing my promptness with a counter thought " I dont want to be burderened by someone else's experience!!"
Palm on face yet again.
(Well, if that seemed logical enough, I was convinced I did the right thing. Really?)

This time we were given fins to wear below our shoes. Decked up, thrilled, nervous, supremely pious and god-willed, I sat in the edge of the boat...looking at the vivacious endless green sea merging into the horizon, with the grey clouds above (mind subconsciously trying to contemplate its strength today as I would experience it)
I had to do this.

I narrowed my vision to near the boat, blocked all the distant chatter, senses alert and mind focussed. With one hand across my chest (chanting All is Well) and other holding the glares as instructed, I took a deep breath and blurted "Jhulelal Bedai Paar".
I jumped into the water with a splash, with eyes closed and body loose. This I would definitely define as the leap of faith, in all literal senses.